Being Carefree

On Monday when the kids got home from school it was sprinkling a little bit. And as their dad left for work, we were standing on the porch and Jaydon asked if he could play in the rain. I was like it's December and you want to play in the rain, but it was a warm day so I told them sure why not. Didn't see any harm in it except they would be nice and dirty by the time it was over with. So I grabbed my book and went sit outside with them as they played in the rain. Sitting there while listening to them play bought back so many memories of me being a child. I was always dirty from playing outside when I was growing up.

Justin and Jaydon after playing in the rain and mud! They were nice and dirty but had tons of fun.

 

 

Boy how I wish I was a kid again? Kids can be so care free and not have to stress about what bills are going to be and how to buy groceries on a limited budget. But as kids at times, we wish that we were adults so we could do what we want when we want. They soon realize though that, it's hard out there. It's not easy to be an adult, unless your born with a silver spoon in your mouth. But most people aren't, and have to work for what they want. I've always worked for what I wanted, and I feel so much more accomplished when I can afford what I want. I hate selfish people who think that they should be given whatever they want. Problem with these people is that sometimes it's the parent's fault because they constantly hand over whatever their kids want. When you spoil your kids, it's not a good thing.

 

Yes kids deserve things but note very time they want something. I think it's okay to reward you kids when they do well and for their birthdays. But constantly buying them presents is not a good thing. They become spoiled to that idea and it's hard to break them out of that habit. Parents need to be proactive in when they buy things for their kids that they do it in moderation. And if you are going to spend money on one child and you have more than one child, then you need to buy for all of them. Same amount not a less amount for one kid or more for another kid. It's not fair to the kids, and they know that you are doing it. It's not like they don't.

 

Kids should be treated equally when it comes to everyone in the family. Don't show favoritism which happens a lot. Even though, those two boys are not my kids, when we go shopping at Dollar Tree if one asks for something then they both get something. I don't buy for one and not the other. I spend the same amount on all of them (2 others not pictured) because it's only fair. I don't love them any more than I love the others. Being fair to the kids is the only right way to do things. Buying for one and not the others is wrong. And even if they aren't with me and I'm buying them something for being good or a snack, I get for all of them.

 

Anyway-this was just a thought on my mind. Be fair to your kids and what fun it would be to be a kid again at times. Like playing in the rain or hide and seek. Take some time to spend with you kids because they are important. They love you and want to spend time with you. Don't overdue it and think that you have to buy their love. They already love you!



30 Days of Thanks

So it's Thanksgiving time, and I am reminded of the many blessings that I have. This blog will be all about my 30 days and what I'm thankful for.

Day 1: My parents-no matter where I am at in my life, my parents are always there for me. They have taught me so much, and no matter if I was not making the right decision, they let me and try making me choose a different direction. I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD!

Day 2: Laughter from the kids-Getting to hear the kids laugh while Danny is playing with him. They love playing with their daddy and it's so much better when he can play with them after school and when he is off of work.

Day 3: Tara-she brings me joy when I am sad. And is always willing to help watch the kids when we need her too. She is already my step-daughter in my heart and I love her very much!

Day 4: My church-has really accepted me for who I am. I can come and not feel like I am being judged, which is so awesome. I love my church!

Day 5: Jennifer-no matter how long goes between us talking or seeing each other, she is one of my best friends. I love knowing that she is one of my true friends.

Day 6: Danny-wow, I can't believe today makes one year that we have been together. Happy 1 Year Anniversary. I LOVE YOU! It feels like it's been longer than a year, but it hasn't. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us in the future. It will be a great joy to go through this life with you.

Day 7: Opinions-we are all entitled to our own opinions. I will voice my opinion on a matter that reaches dear to my heart. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's okay, you are entitled to you own opinion. Makes me mad when people want to voice their opinion but not listen to your opinion. It's a two-way street!

Day 8: Baking-so glad that I can bake and not be pressed for time. Baking is so much fun, I love it. Wish I could do more of it.

Day 9: God's Promises-they are new every morning and He is faithful. PRAISE GOD! His love never fails.

Day 10: Sunsets, sunrises, and quiet times-so nice to just sit back and watch the sunrise or set and enjoy the quiet of things. Lovely to see the beautiful colors of a sunset or sunrise. I'm reminded of the summer I spent in AZ of all the beautiful sunsets and sunrises I saw on the canyon.

Day 11: Veterans-for each and every one of you who have paid the price so we can be free. And for the ones who will continue to join the services so we can be free. THANK YOU!

Day 12: Close people-for people who I hold near and dear to my heart. Your friendship has meant the world to me. I don't ever want to take your friendship for granted.

Day 13: Justin's silliness-even on mornings when I'm extremely tired, he always makes me laugh. He has come a long way in the time that I have known him. He is a blessing to be around! I LOVE YOU JUSTIN MICHAEL ALLEN! Keep smiling and making me laugh with your silly ways.

Day 14: Carly-just like with Jennifer, no matter how much time goes by we are still close. She is always willing to give a hug when I am in need of one. Can't wait to be able to see her again.

Day 15: LifeGroup-this has been an amazing journey of discovering things about me and see things that God was trying to show me. The ladies in the group have been amazing and I will be sad when this one is over with.

Day 16: Mrs. Della-she has been like my mom up here and I miss my Friday conversations with her. I looked forward to the Friday's that I could visit with her when she came into Domino's.

Day 17: Danny's Family-from day one they have accepted me for me and as a part of Danny's life. They love me and I love them. They have made me feel welcome in their homes and in their lives.

Day 18: Relaxing-even though this normally only happens when I'm sick, it's still nice to be able to relax and not worry about a whole lot of things.

Day 19: Craziness of Traci-she is a joy to be around when she is feeling well. She runs around the house doing silly stuff that makes me laugh even when I'm sad. It's hard when she isn't around to cheer me up. I LOVE YOU TRACI!

Day 20: Hand holder-someone to hold my hand when I'm sick and tell me that everything will be okay. I hate being sick but knowing I have someone by my side makes it all better.

Day 21: Getting out of hospital-I hate being in the hospital but it would have been worse if I had to be in over Thanksgiving. Glad that I was able to get out.

Day 22: My Past-It's made me who I am today and has taught me many lessons. May not be the best past, but it's my past and you don't have to like it. Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 23: Brother Doug and Mrs. Joyce-they have been like a second set of parents to me. I am so thankful that they are in my life and haven't given up on me. They have truly blessed me beyond words.

Day 24: Tracey-truly one of my best friends. Always a phone call or text away when I need someone to talk too. Was there for me when I needed someone at work and she was working with me. I miss and love ya Tracey!

Day 25: Grandfather-You were my first love of a man besides my daddy. I know you are watching over me from heaven and I can't wait to see your face again. I miss you so much today and everyday. You left us 21 years ago today, but you are still in my heart.

Day 26: Beautiful colors- the colors that surround the changing of season is so pretty. From the leaves changing colors to flowers in bloom. Or the colors of a sunset or sunrise.

Day 27: Grandmother-I know you are with Grandpa right now and that you are watching over me from heaven. I miss and love you so much. You have only been gone for 5 years but it feels like forever.

Day 28: Pen Pals- I have been blessed with some amazing pen friends and I don't know how to thank them enough for the joy that they bought into my life. Times have been tough but knowing that I have someone on the other end of a letter praying for me is awesome. Thank you for being amazing friends!

Day 29: Nieces and Nephews- they bring so much joy into my life when I am around them. I don't get to see them nearly enough and I can't wait to see them soon. Especially the one that I haven't met yet. I LOVE YOU: Dakota, Christian, Gabriel, Bryson, Akira, Nevaeh, and Genaveve.

Day 30: Life-it hasn't been an easy road but I know that I have some pretty important people on my side and a God in heaven who loves me. And will always be by my side when I need Him and when I don't. He is truly an amazing GOD!

Wow, I can't believe I actually did all 30 days. I have so much more to be thankful for. Maybe it'll be my next blog topic. We should give thanks everyrday to God for what He has given us. Praise Him through it all.

Struggles

This life wasn't promised to be easy, I know that. But it seems like it's so hard right now to make ends meet for everyone. It feels like sometimes you have to pay a bill late just to buy groceries for your house. People go without to make sure that their kids have what they need. When you think you are finally about to catch a break, something else comes up. Or you find out someone else is in need and they are needing help.

I have some serious issues with certain things about people struggling. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping someone out if I can. I have a problem when I'm offering help and they are very ungrateful about it. And they think that you will always help them out. If you are already struggling with paying your bills on time, then don't take on more than you can handle. I have no sympathy for you when you do this. You know that you can't afford it but you are going to try it anyway. You are living beyond your means. Don't get me wrong, I've been there and done that. I've learned my lesson the hard way, take some advice from the ones that have gone through this before. Figure out what you need to do to get your bills up to date and pay them. Quit borrowing money from people with no intent to pay them back. Get off your butt and find a job. Do something to help out. And when you say you are going to pay people back, pay them back.

If you are getting aid from the government to buy food, don't abuse the system. It's wrong for the people that are honest with the government that don't hardly get anything from them. Especially when you are telling them that your boyfriend or husband don't live with you and they do. And to top it off they have good jobs. Quit lying and be honest about it. Yeah you may not get as much as you are now, but their are people who need the help more than you do. And you don't need all the help that you are getting when they have good jobs. So many people stuggle to put food on the table each month, but won't think about asking for help because they think it makes them have a label. No what makes you have a label on you, is when you abuse the system. You wouldn't want someone to abuse you, so why abuse the system for? Or it's really frustrating when you get a lot in food stamps and sell some for cash so you can buy your drugs. REALLY....this is supposed to be used for food your house not for your drug dealing friends.

Or what else makes me really mad with some people who get aid from the government is using it to their adavantage to eat steaks or other expensive things when they get their food stamps. They are proud to be using the government for their own personal gain (my opinion). Yes I understand that you have kids, but don't go boasting about the fact that you are eating steak and my tax dollars are paying for it. Yes don't get me wrong, I've lived with someone who has gotten food stamps but he didn't eat steaks or anything. He got what he needed because it wasn't a whole lot. And now it's being threatened to be cut off for whatever reason. It's not right! I would be ashamed if I was getting food stamps and boasting about what I was eating because of it.

Through all my stuggles with everything, it's made me a stronger and better person. Which is what it should do in the end. But for the ones not learning a lesson through their struggles, maybe it's time to wake up and realize that you are making some bad choices. Continue to make these choices, and you are ruining a lot in your life.  And the help that you have been rellying on won't be there anymore. Because I for one have had enough, I'm tired of bending over backwards for people and not seeing you do something for yourself for a change. Quit asking for handouts and start getting your life in order. Leaving beyond your means will eventually lead to a lot of heartache and pain. And people losing their trust in you to pay your bills on time. Do whatever it takes to get yourself and your family on the right track. Now this doesn't mean do something silly or stupid, I'm talking about consolidating your bills or filing bankruptcy. And don't take out any more new loans.

God has blessed me with a lot of people who have been by myside when I have needed them. Your friendship and love has been amazing. I can't thank you enough, and know that I will be here for you in whatever way I can when you need the help.

Opinions on Politics

We all have our opinions when it comes to things. And each of us likes to have our opinions heard. I don't have a problem when you want to voice your opinion, I have a problem when you don't want to hear mine. I never said you had to agree with my opinion, just listen to it like I listened to yours.

After this election on Tuesday everyone has an opinion or already had an opinion of what would happen. I think we were disappointed in the outcome though. It's time for a change to take place in our country. And I think many people thought Obama could do it; but he hasn't. Yes, he has gotten our military out of some places. But what about the ones still serving overseas because of this war. What's he going to do for them? Read somewhere online (Facebook) that they couldn't absentee vote because their stuff didn't get their on time. How wrong is it that they didn't get the chance to vote? They are out their everyday risking their lives for our freedom, but yet they couldn't exercise their right to vote. Would it have made a difference in the outcome of the election: maybe or maybe not, but I guess we will never know, now will we?

Tuesday was the first time I have ever voted in a Presidential election. I don't do it because I wanted a certain person to win. I did it so I could stop people from judging me for not doing it. It's my choice to vote or not, just like its your choice to do it. In the elections that I haven't voted in, I don't speak on what the government is doing. Doesn't mean I agree with everything they are doing though. I do feel that at times we have to trust them in what they are doing. Yes I understand that at times they don't make the right decisions. Or they say they will do one thing but do something completely different. I feel that every politician days what we want them to say in order to get elected.

I HATE discussing politics with people. Seems like this subject will bring the worse out in people. This topic divides families apart when they don't see eye to eye. Just like the subject of race, and a lot of people are saying race played apart in this race. I would say that happened back in 2008 when he was first voted in, but I don't think that is the only reason why he got into office. It  was not just the African-American race that helped with Obama getting into the White House for a second term, so did the Asian and Hispanic race. These races are what's taking jobs from us white people that need a job. How many of these people are on welfare or getting tax exempts from the government because of their race? IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! You have white people struggling to make it day by day but yet the government won't help them out. WRONG!

Here is my problem with Obama, my two biggest issues: his healthcare policy and the school lunch reform. Yes healthcare should be affordable to all but not the way he is going about it. You want to tax me if I don't have insurance, if I'm not on it, don't you think there is a reason why. I'm sure that people who are not taking insurance with their jobs is because they can't afford it. I had it when I worked yes, and I'm thankful that I did. But when I quit my job, I got insurance through a company that was nothing but a waste of my money. I paid $209 for a month of insurance, went to the doctor to get a script for my insulins and took them to the pharamcy. Went to pharmacy to pick them up and they were outrageous, $145 for one bottle and $141 for the other bottle. I was mad as all get out, because these bottles weren't much cheaper with the insurance maybe at the most $10 to $13. So I called the insurance company and canceled it because I wasn't paying that much a month for insurance and then getting the short end of the stick when it came to having to get medications. When we got the insurance, they knew I had diabetes and told me that my medications would be covered. Then I find out that they aren't going to cover any diabetes medicines, really? Not a good insurance company in my book!

School lunch reform, have you seen what is being given to kids in school today to eat? It's not enough for these kids. Two of my step-kids come home hungry everyday because their lunch isn't enough. Yes I'm feeding them before they go to school and I give them a snack when they come home. Plus a good size dinner (so don't tell me to feed my kids because I do). Part of my problem with this is you have kids that their school lunch might be their only meal for the day. And if they aren't getting enough food that means they are still hungry. It's a shame when kids are still hungry because they don't get enough to eat. Yes I understand that she wants kids to be eating healthier but our kids still need to be feed. If you don't have kids in the school system, then you should be aware that kids are going home hungry and may not have another meal until school the next day. What about these kids? They need someone speaking up for them! We need to make sure that the kids are getting enough to eat in schools. School lunches are expensive if you have to pay for them full price or reduced for the amount of food they are getting.

As a nation, we need to be praying for the next four years. GOD CAN WORK WONDERS IF WE ALL START PRAYING AND PUTTING OUR TRUST BACK IN HIM. PRAY WITHOUT CEASING! GOD WILL HEAR OUR CRY!

(This is my opinion so this is how I feel about things. If you don't like what my opinion is then that's okay. I respect your opinion of the matter)

Death by Tongue

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

We don't think of this when we are talking, we are just saying whatever we want to say. We want to get our point across and we will do in whatever way that we can do it. If that means talking really fast and having to repeat ourselves or to the point of yelling to get someone to understand what we are trying to get across. We don't think of what our words are doing to others when they are hurtful.

Kids in school right now are being bullyed by hurtful words that their classmates are saying to them. This isn't right! As a parent, if you know your child is being bullied then do something about it. Too many kids are taking their lives because of different reasons. THIS IS WRONG! I was teased throughout school for different reasons, but I just dealt with it. I'm sure I cried because of it, but after a while things stopped. They found out that their words didn't bother me anymore. I think the worse time being teased was when my grandfather passed away. I was teased because of it, and my teacher wouldn't say anything to the other kids for teasing me. I was so hurt and didn't know how to deal with it. (John 7:24 "Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.")

Nowadays kids are more hateful when it comes to the teasing. They will tease you for anything. It breaks my heart when a kid is being teased because they are developmentally different. How would you feel if that was your brother or sister they were teasing? You wouldn't like it one bit. Yes some kids are different, but that doesn't mean that they should be treated completely different. They can understand to a certain point and it may take them a while to get something. But just because of these issues, does not mean that they should go to a special school. Yes I agree that they need to be in a different class, but not a school that is just for them. If you feel that your child needs to be in a special school because you don't want them to be teased or what not, then I suggest you homeschool your kid. My oldest nephew is a special needs child and he is homeschooled. One of my step-sons is special needs, but he goes to a regular school but in a class specifically for him. He has learned so much from the interaction with regular kids (as we say they are) compared to what would it be like if he was in a school for kids just like him. Yes, Justin is a little different when it comes to learning things at home, but he isn't given special treatment because he has a problem.

When a teenager takes their life because of bullying, it's time to enforce some punishment on the kids that are doing the bullying. I know that in some schools gays are being bullied or picked on because of their choice of lifestyle. Yes it's wrong to be gay, but that doesn't give me the right to judge a person because of it. I am not the judge of the world. We have someone who is far more greater to judge than a human being. We have no right to judge others. "So when you, a mere human being, pass judgement on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escaped God's judgement? Romans 2:3 Just because a person is gay, and living a sinful life does not mean that you are perfect. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.")

We can be praised for something we did all day long, but the minute someone says something mean or ugly to us, all the praises can't get that one bad thing out of our mind. Instead of trying to make people feel lower than dirt with our words, we need to be uplifting everyone. You don't know when you might say the wrong thing to someone, and it sends them over the edge to commit suicide. Once the words are out of your mouth, their is nothing in the world that you can do to take them back. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out or your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 Let's build each other up and take a stand firm in doing this. This is extremely important and it's what Christ has called us to do. What would happen if we started doing this? Each and everyone one of us, I think we would have a change in our world. A change for the better.

We need to stop playing judge on other people. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. Some more than others, but that doesn't mean that Christ loves me any less. His love for me has been the same sense I was born. People are quick to judge others when they are making mistakes, when instead they should be willing to help others out when they are making these mistakes. Often times when we are judging others, it's the worse thing to do. By judging them, we are telling them that they are nothing and not important because they are making mistakes. These words that we are speaking about others is not good. With our mouths, we praise God and put others down. "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." James 3:9-10

Taming the tongue can not be done according to James 3:8; "but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." However, we can learn how to watch our words and think before we speak. So many times we speak and don't think about the words coming out of our mouths. I'm really bad about at times, I speak before I think. After a couple of years of counseling, I've learned how to speak my mind and think about it before I do it. A lot of times, I will write down what I want to say on paper so I can get my point across to whoever I am trying to say something too. This way I can think my words through and really get what I am trying to say without being interuptted. I think often times, this has helped me with my relationship with Danny and other people too.

If we are having trouble with our words and just wanna speak our mind then it may not come out good in the long run. Sometimes speaking your mind will do more harm than good. We all have our own opinion but that doesn't give you permission to push your opinion onto someone else. If we are going to give our opinion on something, then we need to be open when someone else does the same thing. We need to ask God to help us direct our words so that they come out in the way that we are trying to express ourself without hurting others. "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

Main point: Be careful with the words that you speak to others. Words are the most powerful thing that are spoken and once you speak them, you can not take them back. Ask God to help you with the words that you speak. To the ones that I have harmed with my words, I am sorry. I should have thought before I spoke and I didn't. Please forgive me! Life is too short to hold a grudge.

Journey Through Life: Unfaithfulness

Journey Through Life: Unfaithfulness: This is going to be a harsh kinda topic for me to write. It's a topic that has been on my mind the last couple of days and I feel like I jus...

Unfaithfulness

This is going to be a harsh kinda topic for me to write. It's a topic that has been on my mind the last couple of days and I feel like I just need to let it out.

What would you do if you were with someone who was unfaithful? Would you stay with that person or would you leave them? What if you stayed and they eventually cheated on you? Then would you stay? It seems like that is happening so much  these days that people are cheating on each other and not really thinking about what is going to happen to them. I'm going to tell you a little about my past and how things are different for me.

I was in a relationship and I meet someone and I let it go to far. I slept with the guy that I just met not that long ago. I hid it from the guy I was dating for like 6 months before I finally confessed that I cheated on him. We separated but decided that we would try to work things out. He told me that in order to forgive me for what I had done, that he would do it to me but he didn't know when it would happen. A couple of years later, he did cheat on me and for the most part I understood because I knew that he was going to do it eventually. Excpet I was mad at who he was going to do it with, he slept with a co-worker who had become a friend of mine, a really close friend. I was hurt because I was pasted out on the couch from having to much alcohol that night. I woke up at some point and could hear something going on in my bedroom but I didn't move from the couch. They were having sex in our bed, I was devasted and hurt. Not so much cause it was happening but becuase I was pasted out on the couch and they were in our bed. What was I suppose to think? I still to this day don't know what to think of the whole situation. I am no longer friends with the girl for whatever reason, but that's okay.

Now I am in a relationship with someone who is use to his ex doing the same thing (or at least that is what it seems to be). She would leave for a week or so at a time and then come back. He is use to that and feels like I would do the same thing. However that is not the case, I know that I am truly in love. And you may ask how do I know that; this is how: when I am out in public (with or without him) I don't even look at another guy. I am not tempted to even think about another guy because my heart is completely in love with my guy. Tempation can come but it won't win me over. I know this because it hasn't yet and will not. I have the strenght to not let myself be tempted.

And if I was tempted, then I would be unfaithful to him. I know what it's like to have someone cheat on you and I can't do that. I was wrong to do it in my previous relationship and I know that now. No matter what the reasons are, cheating is not the anwer. If you are not happy in your current relationship then get out of it. I wasn't happy and I was trying to find a way to make me happy. I know now, that no matter what until I turned it over to God I wouldn't be happy. No guy can make me happy unless I am happy with myself. And I wasn't! Being happy is something that is important to your well being.  I am completely happy with my current boyfriend. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He makes me feel whole and complete.

God has really been working in my life with this subject through a Bible study called "Forever in Love with Jesus". It's really opened my eyes that I made a lot of mistakes in the past but that He still loves me. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. In Hosea, it talks about how Hosea is told by Christ to go and marry a woman who he knows will not be faithful to him. Hosea was a prophet, how would this look to him that he would do this? But he did, because Christ told him to do it. Are we listening to Christ like Hosea did? Hosea's wife, eventually gave up her adulterous ways after some time, and Hosea took her back into his house. He forgave her for all that she had done and still loved her. Can we do this today?

I can honestly say that I can't. After being cheated on and also doing the cheating, it's really hard. I couldn't trust myself and I couldn't trust him. But I still stayed until I knew that if I didn't leave that things would never get better for myself. I have learned to love myself again and put my hope and trust in Christ. Yeah it hasn't been an easy road for me, but I know that He will love me forever. I should have never taken my eyes off of Him. However, I do know this temptation will come (because the devil is always on the prowl), but with the help of the Lord I can overcome it. He has truly given me the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. And my eyes will never wonder to another male because my heart has been captivated by someone very special to me. He completely loves me and wants no one else. Is always by my side when I'm sick and feeling down. Ready to listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Doesn't judge me for my past mistakes. And I know that if temptation would arise he wouldn't look at another woman or even think about it.

So the whole point to this is: if your not happy in your current relationship then please get out of it before you get hurt. I know it's not easy but it can be done. And in the long run it will be so much better for you. Staying in a relationship where you are not happy will just make matters worse in the long run. You deserve someone that will make you happy!

Journey Through Life: Am I Good Enough?

Journey Through Life: Am I Good Enough?: Not sure how to begin this one or why it's on my mind a lot here lately for but here it goes. Am I Good Enough? I feel like a failure in s...

Am I Good Enough?

Not sure how to begin this one or why it's on my mind a lot here lately for but here it goes.

Am I Good Enough? I feel like a failure in some areas of my life that has been bringing me down. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. Life just seems so complicated right now that I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. I haven't felt like this in a long time, since like 2003 when I was taking some depression medication. I didn't feel like I was doing anything but the normal everyday routine of life. Which is how I feel right now, and I don't know why.
Could it be that I have fallen into a routine of my life and I'm not happy with it? Not true, because I love my life. Even though I start my day at 5 AM Monday thru Friday, I wouldn't change it for anything. See I use to work as a manager for a local pizza company, and it got to be really hard to do at times. I was a people pleaser and often worked longer than I should have so someone could have off of work. But by doing this, I missed out on a lot of things. I have no friends that are close to me. All my friends live far away and I don't get to see them that much. I have really nothing to show for all the hard work that I did while I was there. Sure I got good inspections, but I also had some bad ones. Any friends that I do have, I don't get to see that much because they are busy with work or their own lives. Or to be perfectly honest, they were never friends in the first place.

Could it be that I feel like I'm a failure because I'm not making any money? I think this is a big part of it. Since I've been out of college, all I've did is work, work, and more work. I loved my job and I loved knowing that I had money coming in. But now I don't have that, and I don't feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel bad when I say I want something because I can't buy it myself. And Danny works so hard to provide for us, that I would like to reward him with things at times. But I can't do any of that without money. Yes, he says his money is our money, but I don't feel right buying him something with money that he worked for. It's not easy when only one person is working. I know this all to well, and I hate to see him working so much. If only I could help bring in some money then things would be a little easier. Looking to no avail with finding something that I can do.

Could it be that I have given up on myself? I don't think I've given up on myself. I work hard to do what I do. I push through on days that I am sick and get things done. I go out of my way to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I do my best, even if my best isn't good enough for some people. I try not to judge other people, because I've been judged all my life. I HATE IT! I have no place to judge anyone, because I am not the judge here. Only one person is the judge, and that is Jesus Christ. I don't think many people know how much they actually mean to me because I'm afraid to share with them or I forget to thank them for things. I'd much rather be the giver than the taker of things. So many people all they do is take, take, and take until you can't give anymore. Then they find someone else to take from.

I don't just want to pass through this life going through the motions. I really want to make a difference but I don't see how. I'm reminded of Matthew West's song "The Motions." That's not how I want to live my life. I want to make a difference, just have to figure out a way to do it. But first I got to get out of this rut that I feel that I am in, and change myself. Then I will be ready because without changing myself, I won't accomplish anything. Life is hard, but I'm not backing down to let it slip by. Even if it's a difference in one person's life, I made a difference. That's what's important, not how much money you have or what kind of car you drive. It's all about making a difference, but the thought is in the back of my head, when will you do it.

Addictions

I was talking with my step-daughter last night about different things and the subject of people being addicted to things came up. So many people are addicted to different things and it's really sad at how it's taken complete control of their lives. Some people are addicted to things that are just silly (like me).

Drug addictions are so horrible and it destroys so many families. I think it's crazy how people will spend their entire paychecks just to get a fix or several fixes. They forget about the bills and children they have that need to be taken care of. Instead of worrying about that, they depend on other people to help them or the state to help them out. So many people are on welfare and are on drugs. We pay their bills or their food but yet they could be helping themselves if they just gave up their addiction. They don't want to admit that they have a problem. It's the first step in recovery but the hardest step for so many people.

Some people are additcted to items that are legal to buy like alcohol and cigarettes. It's really hard to stop those addictions because they are legal. And the ones that have the addictions to these feel like they don't really have an addiction to it. Some people are just social drinkers or smokers; like when they are around certain people or out at the bar. Some people can't make it through a day without a drink. How hard is it on those families to know that their loved ones need a drink to make it through the day? But how long does that one drink satisfy them and once it doesn't what happens then? They need more to drink and pretty soon they have a hard time with stopping.
For the ones that have taken that first step, they have a long road ahead of them. They will need the support of their family and friends to help them get through this process. Some people get treatment and others will quit cold-turkey. I think no matter how you get treatment, it's very important to have support behind you. No matter what your addiction is,you need help from other people for when you feel that you need to go back to your addiction.

Some addictions may not to be drugs but to food. Some people just love certain things and they want them. Like I love chocolate and a lot of different fruits. When people have an addiction to food, they may eat too much. They don't feel like they are full so they keep on eating. Or they eat for reasons that they think are calming to them. Some people when they are depressed will eat because they look at food as comfort. It's not okay to do this, but I have done it in the past. At the time, I was upset and felt like eating would make me feel better. It did for a little while but the issues were still there when I quit eating. Sometimes people who eat like that will gain weight and then feel bad about it. When this happens, they start the whole cycle all over again. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped.

As I like to say I have some silly addictions or at least I think they are silly. I love ink pens, tin cans, bags, and notebooks. Oh and don't let me forget my new one collecting postcards and stickers. Yes I know I have a lot of ink pens and notebooks and bags. But I can admit when I have a problem with them. With the tin cans, it's not so much. I only like certain ones and I don't buy them too often. But ink pens, I can always use more because I am starting to write more. I have several pen pals and writing to them is great but lately I've been typing the letters cause I haven't felt like writing them. I guess it's time to put my new pens to work.

We need to help each other out when we know our loved ones are suffering from an addiction. No matter what the addiction is, we can overcome them. It helps to have other people to support you in your decision to overcome your addiction. It's a very important decision to become clean and stay clean. Also it's important to your family that you stay clean. Your family loves you and needs you to be clean.

Journey Through Life: Friendships

Journey Through Life: Friendships: This topic has been on my mind for the last week or so and every time I go to write it, I can't think of what to say. So I'm not sure how th...

Friendships

This topic has been on my mind for the last week or so and every time I go to write it, I can't think of what to say. So I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. When I think of my friends, I don't know what to think at times. I've had some really close friends and people who I thought were my friends but really weren't. In life we have lots of people who we think are our friends, but in all reality they aren't. I'll talk about that first.

How often are we asked by a friend to help them with something and we do it? But when it seems like we need them, they aren't their for us. Is that a true friend? How long before we see that they are just using us for their own personal gain? It's hard to realize that when it happens, but if we don't then we will always be used by other people. They may not even be our friends but just people that are people that we know. Different things will arise that these people need you for something, it could be as simple as asking for a ride to the store or something. But when it's you that needs help, they aren't there for you. It hurts and makes you mad.

It's worse when it's someone that we really consider a close friend. I can say that those have been the worse times in my life for me. I've had to walk away from some people who I really thought were my friends because I was tired of being used by them. Sure they may try to help you but most of the time they do the least that they can do to help you out. And that's the worse because you put forth effort to do it. Sometimes all they will say is I will pray for you. Yes that's good, but sometimes you need someone to just listen to you. I know that was how it was for me a lot of times, I just wanted someone to talk too. Or to give me a hug and say it's going to be okay. But that doesn't seem to happen these days. Everyone is so wrapped up in themselves that they forget about other people.

Part of me has been hurting lately because I really don't have any friends close to me. All my friends live out of town or out of state. I don't get to talk to them as much as I would like too because we can't ever seem to find time to talk. At times, I give up trying to find a way to make contact with them because I don't want to be disappointed when they don't answer or won't text or call back. I know they have lives, I understand that. I just wish at times, that they could make time to talk to me. Yes I have my boyfriend to talk to, who is my best friend but I still need that female compainship. I miss my friends that live here in Louisiana with me that live in different cities; I just wish for one day with them soon. Who knows when that will happen?

It seems like I can't make friends here where I live because I don't know how to meet people. Yes I go to church, but it's such a huge church and not sure how exactly to go about getting involved when we only have one car and the kids. I want Christian friends in my life because I need people who are going to encourage me and pray with me when I am down. I'm making some wonderful Christian friends through penpalling which is great. But they also live in different states, it's not like I can pick up the phone and ask to come over for a quick visit.

When I moved up here, I let myself get overtaken by work instead of separtaing my personal life from work. It was the wrong choice to make. Maybe if I hadn't made that mistake, I might have some friends up here. The only ones I know are the people I worked with and they are some great people. But now that I don't work and they still do, it's hard to find time to see them. I know that things are going to start looking up soon. I'm just tired of feeling this way.

I know that I have one friend that I can count on at all times. And to me that is the most wonderful feeling in the world. He is always waiting to take me into his arms when I am feeling down. Without him, I don't know where I would be at today. I don't even want to think about it. He will always be my best friend, the one that will no judge me no matter what happens in my life. Thank you Jesus! Yes, Jesus Christ is my best friend. He will always be there for me and will never be too busy to handle my problems no matter how big or small they are.

Thank you to my true friends. It really means the world to me, that I have people who love me and will be there when I need someone to talk to. I love each and every one of you! Be Blessed!

Journey Through Life: Frustrations

Journey Through Life: Frustrations: Seems like no matter what something will always frustrate us. My cousin Jessica, got frustrated with herself for making a silly mistake on a...

Frustrations

Seems like no matter what something will always frustrate us. My cousin Jessica, got frustrated with herself for making a silly mistake on a test today. She still did well on the test, but it's the fact that she knew what she was doing. We all make mistakes; but how often are we judged for those mistakes.

I think some of my biggest frustrations have been when I've dealt with some family issues. But I love them no matter what; I wouldn't change them for anything in the world. We get frustrated with our kids when they don't do what they are suppose to do. Or when they fail a test because they refuse to study for the test or just didn't try.

But how often, are we frustrated with ourselves for stupid mistakes that we make like my cousin Jessica. For me it's happen quite a bit; but something that I have learned, my past doesn't define me. It's in the past where it will stay at. My past has made me who I am today because of my past mistakes. It's made me a stronger person, not a weaker one. Praise God! Sure there are things that I am still weak at, but I will overcome those areas and become stronger in those areas.

I think a frustration that gets me everytime no matter what is when I'm told that I can't do something. It just makes me want to do it more. It can be anything really that I'm told that I can't do. Like told that I can't cut the grass; I'll do it. Not to prove to you that I can do it, but because I know that I can do it. And no I'm not doing it to be rude; I like being helpful. Is that not the case in somethings? We do things to help people, but they take it as we are being rude. Not my intentions and I'm sure it's not your intentions either.

A frustration I've been having lately is that I'm reading the book of Romans in the Bible and I don't understand somethings. When that happens; I stop what I'm doing and pray. It still may take me some time to get it, but I will get it. I may have to ask for help to understand something but know that I'm trying to learn. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness in my opinion. I think it's a sign of strenght saying I need help and I trust your opinion.

Don't let stupid mistakes get you down and frustrated...We all make them but overcoming them is great. Smile and keep your head up.

Time

Time....what is that? It seems like everything we do surrounds that one word. Either with doctor's appointments, family time, spending time with friends, or just spending time in the Word. We tell our kids when to go to bed or when to wake up. We revolve around that word.

Time is something that is hard for me to grasp. When I was working as a manager, I seemed to never have time to do anything. I was always at work or sleeping because I had to go to work. Even on my days off, I was spending more time sleeping because I was so tired from working. I let myself be consumed with my job. So because of that, I never made any friends outside of my job. Now that I'm not working, time is something that I kinda sorta have a little of. But not really because I am a stay at home mom to 4 kids; I'm not complaining though. Now if I wanna spend time with anyone, I have to do it when they are off of work. Which doesn't always seem to concide when I can do things.

The one thing I can't seem to every grasp with time, is spending time in the Word. I know that I need to but I just find it hard to concentrate. Where are my priorities at? I can be honest and tell you that it's not where they need to be at. I need to be spending more time in the Word and listening to what God wants me to do. I want to be His servant and used for His purpose. God has called us each for a purpose and will use us as we are. We don't have to be some great speaker or whatever it is your are good at, He will use at your best. All we have to do is say: "here we are, use me." God will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4 testifies to that: "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." We just need to believe that.

I know that things may be tough for you right now but things will get better. It may not be right this second, some things take time. Pray about it! Don't give up! We are going to get through this rough period in our life. Keep pushing forward and stop looking back. Your past has helped shaped you into who you are today (good or bad; you can't change it). I'm not proud of somethings from my past but I know that they helped formed me into who I am today.

Stay focused on your goals! Keep your head up! And pray without ceasing.

My First Blog

Life is all about the journey. Depending on the choices you make the journey will be hard or an easy one. But the one choice that we should make is the choice to accept Christ as our Savior. Even before I became a Christian I knew that their was a higher power. My boyfriend showed me this verse today and it made sense to me with my line of thinking from before I was a Christian. Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." How can we not see that God exists with all the beauty in the world? Sure their is a lot of things going on right now that are horrible but God is still there with us through our trouble. He will not leave or forsake us.

For several years, I wasn't following Christ closely and I felt like He turned His eyes away from me. But I look back now and I realize that it was me all along. He was still there, waiting for me to come back to Him. When I realized this, all I can do is think how stupid could I be to have taken my eyes off of Him. He has been my helper and will never let me out of his sight. Praise Jesus for that!

Currently I'm attending a really awesome church here in Bossier City. I love it! I don't feel like I am judged for my past and that is totally amazing to me. No we may not meet in a church building, but that doesn't mean that God still isn't there. I feel His presence everytime I enter church. And plus I feel like I belong for a change; which is how you should feel when you go to church. You shouldn't feel like an outcast!

God Bless! I don't know exactly all what will be shared on here but I know that Christ is with me through everything. Just like He is with you!