Sunday, September 16, 2012
Journey Through Life: Am I Good Enough?
Journey Through Life: Am I Good Enough?: Not sure how to begin this one or why it's on my mind a lot here lately for but here it goes. Am I Good Enough? I feel like a failure in s...
Am I Good Enough?
Not sure how to begin this one or why it's on my mind a lot here lately for but here it goes.
Am I Good Enough? I feel like a failure in some areas of my life that has been bringing me down. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. Life just seems so complicated right now that I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. I haven't felt like this in a long time, since like 2003 when I was taking some depression medication. I didn't feel like I was doing anything but the normal everyday routine of life. Which is how I feel right now, and I don't know why.
Could it be that I have fallen into a routine of my life and I'm not happy with it? Not true, because I love my life. Even though I start my day at 5 AM Monday thru Friday, I wouldn't change it for anything. See I use to work as a manager for a local pizza company, and it got to be really hard to do at times. I was a people pleaser and often worked longer than I should have so someone could have off of work. But by doing this, I missed out on a lot of things. I have no friends that are close to me. All my friends live far away and I don't get to see them that much. I have really nothing to show for all the hard work that I did while I was there. Sure I got good inspections, but I also had some bad ones. Any friends that I do have, I don't get to see that much because they are busy with work or their own lives. Or to be perfectly honest, they were never friends in the first place.
Could it be that I feel like I'm a failure because I'm not making any money? I think this is a big part of it. Since I've been out of college, all I've did is work, work, and more work. I loved my job and I loved knowing that I had money coming in. But now I don't have that, and I don't feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel bad when I say I want something because I can't buy it myself. And Danny works so hard to provide for us, that I would like to reward him with things at times. But I can't do any of that without money. Yes, he says his money is our money, but I don't feel right buying him something with money that he worked for. It's not easy when only one person is working. I know this all to well, and I hate to see him working so much. If only I could help bring in some money then things would be a little easier. Looking to no avail with finding something that I can do.
Could it be that I have given up on myself? I don't think I've given up on myself. I work hard to do what I do. I push through on days that I am sick and get things done. I go out of my way to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I do my best, even if my best isn't good enough for some people. I try not to judge other people, because I've been judged all my life. I HATE IT! I have no place to judge anyone, because I am not the judge here. Only one person is the judge, and that is Jesus Christ. I don't think many people know how much they actually mean to me because I'm afraid to share with them or I forget to thank them for things. I'd much rather be the giver than the taker of things. So many people all they do is take, take, and take until you can't give anymore. Then they find someone else to take from.
I don't just want to pass through this life going through the motions. I really want to make a difference but I don't see how. I'm reminded of Matthew West's song "The Motions." That's not how I want to live my life. I want to make a difference, just have to figure out a way to do it. But first I got to get out of this rut that I feel that I am in, and change myself. Then I will be ready because without changing myself, I won't accomplish anything. Life is hard, but I'm not backing down to let it slip by. Even if it's a difference in one person's life, I made a difference. That's what's important, not how much money you have or what kind of car you drive. It's all about making a difference, but the thought is in the back of my head, when will you do it.
Am I Good Enough? I feel like a failure in some areas of my life that has been bringing me down. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. Life just seems so complicated right now that I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. I haven't felt like this in a long time, since like 2003 when I was taking some depression medication. I didn't feel like I was doing anything but the normal everyday routine of life. Which is how I feel right now, and I don't know why.
Could it be that I have fallen into a routine of my life and I'm not happy with it? Not true, because I love my life. Even though I start my day at 5 AM Monday thru Friday, I wouldn't change it for anything. See I use to work as a manager for a local pizza company, and it got to be really hard to do at times. I was a people pleaser and often worked longer than I should have so someone could have off of work. But by doing this, I missed out on a lot of things. I have no friends that are close to me. All my friends live far away and I don't get to see them that much. I have really nothing to show for all the hard work that I did while I was there. Sure I got good inspections, but I also had some bad ones. Any friends that I do have, I don't get to see that much because they are busy with work or their own lives. Or to be perfectly honest, they were never friends in the first place.
Could it be that I feel like I'm a failure because I'm not making any money? I think this is a big part of it. Since I've been out of college, all I've did is work, work, and more work. I loved my job and I loved knowing that I had money coming in. But now I don't have that, and I don't feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel bad when I say I want something because I can't buy it myself. And Danny works so hard to provide for us, that I would like to reward him with things at times. But I can't do any of that without money. Yes, he says his money is our money, but I don't feel right buying him something with money that he worked for. It's not easy when only one person is working. I know this all to well, and I hate to see him working so much. If only I could help bring in some money then things would be a little easier. Looking to no avail with finding something that I can do.
Could it be that I have given up on myself? I don't think I've given up on myself. I work hard to do what I do. I push through on days that I am sick and get things done. I go out of my way to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I do my best, even if my best isn't good enough for some people. I try not to judge other people, because I've been judged all my life. I HATE IT! I have no place to judge anyone, because I am not the judge here. Only one person is the judge, and that is Jesus Christ. I don't think many people know how much they actually mean to me because I'm afraid to share with them or I forget to thank them for things. I'd much rather be the giver than the taker of things. So many people all they do is take, take, and take until you can't give anymore. Then they find someone else to take from.
I don't just want to pass through this life going through the motions. I really want to make a difference but I don't see how. I'm reminded of Matthew West's song "The Motions." That's not how I want to live my life. I want to make a difference, just have to figure out a way to do it. But first I got to get out of this rut that I feel that I am in, and change myself. Then I will be ready because without changing myself, I won't accomplish anything. Life is hard, but I'm not backing down to let it slip by. Even if it's a difference in one person's life, I made a difference. That's what's important, not how much money you have or what kind of car you drive. It's all about making a difference, but the thought is in the back of my head, when will you do it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)